Resentment—A Warning Light for Your Soul
Resentment is an uncomfortable emotion we might call bad.
However, it can be beneficial if used appropriately.
Think of emotions as dashboard indicators on a car. Just as these dashboard indicators give essential information about how a vehicle works, emotions can provide important information about ourselves and our relationships.
What happens when a warning light appears on your car dashboard? Hopefully, you take it in to have a mechanic run the codes and complete the required maintenance or repairs. In this case, even a “bad” indicator can help you fix a problem.
Resentment is often an indicator of a boundary problem.
It could mean that you are failing to honor your boundaries or that someone else is not respecting your boundaries.
Resentment can also mean that our expectations of another must be reevaluated or communicated. Ideally, this would result in a new agreement or a compromise.
What happens when you ignore a warning light on your car dashboard? Often, your car will continue to work for a while until the problem intensifies and impairs the function of the vehicle. Ignoring a warning light long enough will result in additional issues. Similarly, unchecked resentment will impact your relationship with God, as it can lead to unforgiveness, which in turn blocks God’s forgiveness.
Next Time You Notice Feelings of Resentment
RUN THE CODES
Just as a mechanic “runs codes” to diagnose the problem, you can “run the codes” by getting curious about that resentment (or other emotion).
What is it connected to?
Where is it coming from?
Does it have roots in a past situation or relationship?
Perhaps you can feel resentment somewhere in your body (tension, tightness, digestive track, headaches, sweating, etc.). Is that resentment impacting your responses to those around you? How?
IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM
Is there a boundary issue?
An unfulfilled or disappointed expectation?
Are you withholding forgiveness?
Name the problem. Be specific. Refrain from blaming, but notice where your responsibility lies in the issue.
TAKE IT TO THE MECHANIC
Give your resentment to God in prayer. If possible, address and repair the relational problem with the person the resentment is connected to. Involve a third party if necessary.
What Does the Bible Say About Resentment?
Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us not to sin in our anger. That means we can feel anger without it being sin. However, our anger (or resentment) can become a foothold for the enemy if we let it go unchecked.
Ephesians 4:31 tells us to “get rid” of feelings of resentment. See the steps above.
Mark 11:25 and elsewhere remind us that we will block God’s forgiveness toward us if we don’t forgive others.
When we notice and proactively handle resentment, it can lead to improved satisfaction in our relationships with others. And that means our “car” will drive better!
